Like it's a bad thing

A friend of mine, who happens to be pregnant, mentioned in an email to me yesterday that two other girls had delivered their babies the day before and that she couldn’t wait to have hers. Something to the effect of, “I want the pregnancy to be over and I just can’t wait for the baby to be here.” I agreed with her that I was glad that everyone I know who is pregnant will finally be done having their babies in a few weeks, only I meant because I am sick of hearing about pregnancies. That may sound harsh, but that is just how I feel. (I realized last night, however, that this is only the beginning since it won’t be long before I have to hear about all the cute things, or gross things, or whatever the baby does. I do think that hearing about that sort of thing will be different and much more enjoyable tough.)

I have a feeling that I might have pissed off this friend of mine when I responded with the above comment. (In my defense, I did warn her that I was not trying to be a bitch and that I didn’t want her to be mad.) After using her as a verbal punching bag, I realized that it’s not the hearing about being pregnant and what kids do that has been driving me crazy, it’s hearing from the pregnant friends, and the friends who already have kids telling me that I should have them and why that is driving me out of my mind. I have 2 friends that have not harassed me about the having kids issue: the one I was emailing with yesterday, and the wife of one of Jake’s friends. I think one of them just doesn’t push the issue since Jake and I are not married, but as long as she doesn’t push it, I don’t care what her reasoning’s are!

While I don’t mean to step on any toes with this opinion of mine, I also don’t think others should jump my ass about it. I swear if one more person tells me that it is my duty as a woman to provide a womb for my man to sow his seeds, I will rip their uterus right out of them with my bare hands!! Come on people, this is 2008, no one talks like that, very few people think like that, and if you know me at all, you shouldn’t be dumb enough to even think of saying that to me!!

This whole situation has made me think that maybe I am not as conservative as I always thought I was. (But if anyone calls me a Liberal I will have to rip out their tongues!) Jake and I live together, we live as if we are married without actually being married. We both say that now is just not the right time to take a step like that. I don’t want anyone walking me down the isle to give me away at my wedding because I firmly believe that I am no one’s possession to give away or accept. I don’t even want a lot of people, even immediate family and close friends at my wedding because I believe that is a very intimate and private moment that should be reserved for the two people who are directly affect by the commitment. And my womb is certainly not for the purpose of “my man sowing his seeds with in it,” (that just sounds so perverse!).

While I am not opposed to having kids, I can solidly say that I don’t want them at this time. How can I predict when or if there will ever be a time when I am prepared or ready? Jake and I have lived together unmarried for how long now? My point is that sometimes things happen in life that are unexpected and unplanned, and if a pregnancy happened to become one of those things, I wouldn’t think my life was over, and I would love the child, but it would still wreck the plans I have for myself.

I read an article in People Magazine about 10 different teenage girls who had had a baby. Only one of them admitted that her life was never going to be the same and, while she loved her baby and would not give him up for anything, she wished things were different. She wished things were different for her baby in that he would have a better life than what she was probably going to be able to give him, and she wished things were different for herself because she was not going to be able to do so many things that she was looking forward to doing in her life. I commend that girl for being honest with herself and the public on her feelings about the situation.

Think about it, how many girls do you know, or know of, that though, “Oh shit! My life is over!” at the sight of two little pink lines? Or if you don’t know of anyone off hand, isn’t that what you would have thought if something like that happened to you in high school? If I were to become pregnant at this point in my life, I would be devastated. Where am I going to get the money to pay for childcare? When am I going to find the time to travel? And even if I find the time to travel, how am I going to have the money to do it when there is a family to take care of? So I am selfish, but doesn’t everyone deserve a little bit of selfishness at some point in time?

I look at having children the same way I look at adopting a new puppy. I have made a vow to never buy a puppy from a breeder again on the platform of abused, neglected, and abandoned dogs. I would never again contribute to breeder when at the same time I am picking out a new purebred puppy, who will serve only as a companion and not as a show dog or hunting dog, there is an innocent and helpless mutt being put down in a shelter because of overpopulation or no one wants him, whatever. There is also an alarming rate of children, from babies to adolescents, who end up in foster care because they too have been neglected, abused, or abandoned, and need a home just as bad as the mixed breed puppy. (I personally think the puppy needs a home worse because without one his chances of survival are not good, and a child will never be put down just because someone doesn’t want to adopt them. That is just my opinion.) Personally, I would take in a foster child or adopt one before I would even consider having one of my own. (If Jake and I’s finances were a little more stable, and if the government would allow unmarried couples to be foster parents, and if our house were suitable to have children in, I would consider taking foster children in on a temporary basis even now.)

Now, I am simply stating my opinion and what I would do. I am not saying I have a problem with people having a baby of their own or buying a purebred dog or cat. I believe that a man and a woman who want to experience having their own child should, I believe that it is a pinnacle of their relationship to do so, (I also think it’s a pinnacle that Jake and I aren’t interested in reaching or experiencing). I have never, EVER, chided someone for wanting to have a baby. I have congratulated countless people on countless pregnancies, and been 100 % sincere.

My point to all of this is simply this: Don’t ever tell me that I need to have kids, or that I am not experiencing life the way God intended a woman to experience it, (because if God intended women to experience life in that way, I doubt there would be men and women alike who are unable to reproduce). I don’t tell you that you should adopt a small child from a third-world country because if you don’t he will starve or die from disease, so don’t tell me it’s a bad thing for me to make the decision not to have any kids. It’s not a bad thing, just like having kids is not a bad thing.