Where am I?

I can’t decide if today is going fast or not! It is now 2PM and I have now swallowed my 6th Excedrin of the day. I have a terrible headache and nothing I do will make it go away. I went to lunch. I put on my glasses. I took off my glasses. I drank an extra cup of coffee. I bummed a cigarette off my coworker. I turned music on as loud as I could without getting in trouble. I stood outside with out a coat on for almost 5 minutes. I turned my little desk heater on all the way until I almost passed out from heat stroke. I even ate a chocolate turnover. NOTHING IS WORKING.

The Friday Fever has hit me with a vengeance today. I have been working on marketing and advertising ideas all day and I frequently find myself starring at the pipe screen saver on my laptop. To give you an idea of just how bad my concentration is today, it is now 320 PM and I have only written a few sentences since I started at 2. And the worst part is, I can’t remember what I was doing in the meantime!

You know that Shania Twain song that says something like “this job’s a pain, it’s so mundane, it sure don’t stimulate my brain!” I think it was written as a prophecy for me in pretense to this job. From the start is has been under –stimulating and boring but I have enjoyed it up until the past couple of months. I know I said that I wasn’t going to bitch and complain as bad as I used to anymore, but I just can’t help it. I told a friend of mine that I am just so bored with everything in my life. I don’t know what is going on with me lately. It’s not that I am unhappy, I just feel empty, unsatisfied.

Probably nothing more than the winter blues, but whatever it is I wish it would go away! I can’t remember a winter when I was so anxious for warmer temperatures and the chance to just get outside. I can hardly wait to throw open the windows to my bedroom and lay in bed longer than I should on a Saturday morning letting the cool spring breeze blow in. I can’t wait to have plants out in the yard that I can spend Saturdays taking care of. I can’t wait to take Peanut and the new dog for a walk, or just to walk myself to the library.

I have never felt a stronger urge to just pack my car full of the essentials and a bag of dog food and just drive away. I am too chicken of course to do anything so irrational as that, but the thought appeals to me more and more everyday. I wonder what Jake would say to taking a “sabbatical” from work and just putting our lives here on hiatus so we can just go away from everyone and everything. I have gone so far as to have places picked out that I would go, and I have thought seriously about the things that I would take with me and the things I would leave behind.

I can remember Jeremy Sassanella telling me once during my second year of college that the next few years would be the best of my life. I was skeptical of him then, but now I think he was NUTS! While some of the times were great and probably the best of my life, (the period of time just before I left school and for a couple of years after that while I was working at Gander Mountain come to mind…), I can’t wait to just grow the fuck up! I have always know who I was and what I anted in life until now. Whoever said that puberty was the most confusing time in a young girls life was smoking CRACK!!!

Oh, listen to me just go on! I am thinking that this Friday afternoon funk can be cured pretty easily with a 5 o’clock whistle and a couple of beers once I get home. I have a very uneventful weekend planned that involves little more than scrapbooking, laundry, and working out (Jake FINALLY got my Bowflex put back together!). The most exciting thing we are doing is taking our new puppy out to Jake’s parents house to meet Biscuit, Peanut’s SuperBeast brother!

I am nice. And I love my boyfriend. Really!

I spent some time a couple of nights ago going back and reading all of my old posts. I started to notice a pattern in some of them, and I was not excited about it really. I noticed that I post more when I am upset, especially with Jake. I also noticed that more recently I have been doing some pretty serious guy-bashing. I am starting to worry that people are going to get the wrong idea about me!

I am strong willed and opinionated. I am mouthy. I fit just about every steteotype out there for a red head, (and a Leo, but I don’t buy into that sort of thing). I am also compassionate and happy and loving. I guess you just have to take the good with the bad, I guess. :)

So many things happen to me multiple times daily that are so funny and I tell the stories over to my mom and Jake and some friends, but I never blog about them. I think the writing of all of the things that aggravate the hell out of me works as a sort of catharsis. It’s funny how I can look back at old posts and the feelings that I had then while writing creep back up on me. There are some I hope I remember to never read again.

Lately I have blogged more about some of the strong opinions that I have, or have developed as I have gotten older. I know that they have rubbed some people the wrong way, and I have said time and time again that I was not posting them to piss anyone off. I honestly think that I am so terribly bored at work that sort of let things stew over in my mind until I feel like smoke is going to blow out my eyes, nose , and ears and it makes me feel better and helps me to cool off by writing about it.

I realize that I sound like a total heartless bitch so much of the time that it is starting to scare me! I am going to try to cheer this place up a little more and get back to either writing about happy and funny things and posting pictures of hot, half-naked cowboys and cute animals. There will still be times that I spill my guts and bitch endlessly, but I am going to do my best to make them few and far between.

On books and reading...

I am going to start writing posts that are sort of like a book review. They will be totally one sided and not really meant to talk one person into or out of reading a book based on my opinion, I am doing it so that in looking back on the books that I have read I can remember high points and what they are about, etc.

I am going to take a somewhat short break from reading so that I can focus on catching up with a few other things I have been neglecting, but this will also allow me to revisit some of the books that I have read as of late.

If anyone has any suggested reading material, please feel free to pass them along. I am putting together a list of books to check out and/or buy so I am hoping to get a few suggestions.

Gunpowder and lead, Baby!

I have a fried who does nothing to stand up for herself to anyone, especially the sorry excuse of a husband she has!

I have been getting some nasty emails from someone who does not want me to know who they are. The emails come from the address of "youdontknowwho@...", (just a word of advice to Mr. Anonymous: next time you try to keep yourself a secret by making up a dumb email like that, please remember NOT to put your real name on the application thing so it shows up in my inbox. Dumb-ass!). Anyway, this person has been threatening to "ruin my life" and all sorts of dumb things. He said that he was going to trash my blog by making rude and obscene comments. Be my guest!

The point to this is more to rile up the idiot who thinks he scares me. You might be able to scare and intimidate some girls, but you don't scare me, Fucker! You think you are going to hit me? I say bring it on, Bitch, and we'll just see what happens.

I realize that I talk tough sometimes, but I think you would understand if you met the guy that he is a nothing but a stupid, cowardly puss that needs to learn to keep his hands to himself, his pants zipped, and his mouth shut.

The only way to fish!

**Another e-mail from my mother. I thought this sounded like a really good idea for Jake and I!

The man hasn't lived who would not beproud to be related to this genius.FLOATING GAZEBO I was going to build the Gazebo on the edge of my dock down by the lake but I thought .....I might just as well build the deck with floats on it and I can then take it out fishing too. Has 15,000# capacity.The deck is 18ft x 18ft with 12 plastic foam filled dock floats that are 4ft x 4ft by 18 inch. high.and the Gazebo is 10 ft. Hexagon with a table and chairs inside.Under the table is my trolling motor so I can take it out to my favorite fishing hole. The trolling motor is remote controled wireless so I can be fishing outside and operate the motor. On the top of the table I have a LOWRANCE Fish-Finder with depth sounding sonars and temp gauge.I have 2 electric winchs with 40# anchors. I have also built in a water pump so I can clean the fish right on the spot.Now I can relax and fish while my wife can sit and relax.

SHARK!!

Family on holiday in Australia for a week and a half when husband, wife and their 15 year old son decided to go scuba diving. The husband is in the navy and has had some scuba experience. His son wanted a picture of his mum and dad in all their gear so he got the under water camera ready to go. When it came to taking the picture the dad realized that the son looked like he was panicking as he took it and gave the 'OK' hand sign to see if he was alright. The son took the picture and swam to the surface and back to the boat as quick as he could so the mum and dad followed to see if he was OK. When they got back to him he was scrambling onto the boat a nd absolutely panicking. When the parents asked why he said 'there was a shark behind you.' The dad thought he was joking but the skipper of the boat said it was true but they wouldn't believe him. As soon as they got back to the hotel they loaded the picture onto the laptop and this is what they saw. ..

I got this off of an email from my sister. I don't know if its real or not, but it is still crazy! Could you imagine what you would do it this happened to you!

100 POSTS!!

Well, I have actually written 100 posts. I have bitched and complained, bitched some more, laughed, cried, reminisced, offended people, made people laugh... Congats to yourself, Kianne!

Responsible Preperation

*DISCLAIMER*

This post will more than likely piss quite a few people off. It is not intended to do so. I have been quite a bit more verbal with some of my opinions as of late, and everyone should know that none of the opinions, (including and especially this one), are new to me. These opinions are coming out now because of issues that have come up that I have never dealt with before. These opinions are just that: OPINIONS. THEY ARE NOT MEANT TO BE HURTFUL OR OFFENSIVE TO ANYONE, it’s not my fault if you interpret them in such a way.

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I was blog surfing today, and through a link on a friends blog I happened upon a post written by a new dad that has to get rid of his dog because it is misbehaving and posing threats to the new baby. You could tell that this guy was upset over having to give up the dog, and I do have to commend him on the fact that he didn’t just drop the dog off at a shelter or list him in the classifieds, he is actually searching for a home for the dog.

My problem with this situation started when I read the comments on this post. Someone had made a comment that they are working with their dog to prepare him for the new addition to the family by using a baby doll and other ways of training. Just like when you bring a new puppy home and they have to be trained to pee outside and not to chew on shoes or the couch, they have to be trained that the new baby is not a toy. She asked the guy if he and his wife had worked with their dog before the baby came to prepare him. He said no, they hadn’t.

Of course I am going to take a dogs side in a situation like this! Who else is going to? Certainly not the parents or the close friends and family of the newborn baby! (Let em remind you again that this is directed at no one in particular, but merely something I feel strongly about, and something I feel needs addressed further than just here at my blog.)

When the average couple learns they are expecting they go crazy preparing. They childproof their home, paint, buy new carpet and wallpaper, the trade in their convertible for a minivan or SUV, they stop smoking. They re-arrange their living styles and habits to accommodate a new addition to the family. Many parents-to-be attend classes to help prepare them. All this leaves one question in my mind: What about the dog?

It makes my heart ache to think about all the dogs that end up in shelters, or worse, euthanized, for stupid reasons such as this. Shame, SHAME on the pet owner that thinks they are such good and responsible parents for ridding their children of the dangers posed by a hyper dog by getting rid of the dog!! In my opinion it makes you a negligent, because you were also, in a sense, a parent to that dog that you turned your back on. For crying out loud, I understand that life after a new baby can be hectic, but the dog doesn’t understand that, so take him for an extra long walk. Don’t think you have time to walk him…pay a kid in the neighborhood to do it for you. Got any other excuses? I’ve got plenty of solutions!!

I can feel my face flush with heat and I can tel that I am pounding the keys on the keyboard rather than pressing because just the thought of this makes me want to scream. I realize that I am a bit of an extremist on issues involving animals, (sometimes so extreme that I find myself dreaming up vigilante-worthy nicknames!), but here’s my thinking, sort of: Animals are put down everyday due to overpopulation while the world that we live in is being overpopulated by humans at an alarming rate. So, if the solution for overpopulated animals is to kill them, when are we going to start killing humans since there are getting to be WAY too many of them?

DO NOT call yourself prepared, and DO NOT call yourself responsible if you have not taken the proper steps to prepare your family pet for the new addition to the family. After all, it is their family too. There is no excuse for such negligent behavior! Maybe people who “forgot to work with the dog” are too irresponsible for a dog in the first place!

Maybe hospitals and doctors offices that provide classes and preparation help for expectant families should start to incorporate a training pamphlet or something to proved information and suggestions on preparing your pet for a baby.

Maybe there should be some regulations on requirements that need to be met before buying or adopting a pet. We have laws about buying guns, which is a constitutional right, so why not implement some laws or rules for purchasing and owning a pet? Our government has certainly spent money on more stupid things!

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Once again let me remind you that this is not directed towards anyone at all. I don’t even know the person who wrote the original post that sent me into this vehement rage over something that I can in no way control. I have personally know multiple families who have given up their pet for a newborn. Personally, this is something that I would NEVER do, even though Peanut is beyond capable of hurting a baby…without training and practice.

I am not going to apologize to anyone who might find this insulting or upsetting. This is my blog and my opinion. If you don’t like it, don’t read it! I am not going to ask you to apologize to me for offending me by giving up a pet, nor would I expect you to. But I would like you to do something for all of the homeless, abandoned, and unwanted pets out there: apologize to your dog for your being an irresponsible and ignorant pet owner!

Sick and Tired

I am sick and tired of being made fun of!

When I was younger I was made fun of for having red hair and freckles, and for having a name like Kianne.

When I was in middle school for having an “accent” and for dressing weird. (I do have to say that if I saw someone wearing green and white striped short alls with a long-sleeved green tee shirt and lace-up work boots, I would make fun of them. Come to think of it, I am surprised my mom let me out the door dressed like that!)

When I was in high school I was teased for having big boobs.

Once I hit college and Gander Mountain, the teasing had pretty well stopped, but I had become mean myself. I was made fun of more in a joking between friends sort of way and less maliciously, (of course I was a size 7 with big boobs and long red hair underneath a cowboy hat, I was HOT!). But I had started to make fun of people constantly, which is something that I didn’t do a whole lot of before. I never did it to anyone’s face, I only say them out loud to my sister or April. I think that being made fun of for years is what turned me into being mean.

There were still plenty of times when the teasing about my body was malicious, let us not forget last summer’s escapade at the mobile home lot and the gun safe and pocket knife incident at Gander Mountain! Even though some of the comments bothered me, and most of the people making the comments REALLY bothered me, I dealt with it.

Even though I have been teased for the majority of my life, I have never been teased over my intelligence. Until now, anyway.

I can deal with comments about my looks, but the ones about my intellect are going to stop. Now.

This is really ridiculous! There is a person in my office that seems to think that I am “cultural midget” and “culturally challenged”. Here’s the real kicker: He thinks this because I have never seen “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” or “The History of the World”. I am not knocking these movies in anyway, I just think that you have to have a certain type of personality and sense of humor to find enjoyment in them. I don’t have that type or personality or sense of humor.

My point it this: DO NOT insult my intelligence, even in a joking manner! I have worked too hard at to accept this. Culturally challenged, my ASS!! How many countries have I been to? How many classical works of art have I studied? How many historical places worldwide have I visited and explored? Do you want to read the paper I wrote, and got an ‘A’ on, about the Italian Renaissance? How about the notebooks of notes and information I have gathered to write about the Tibetan culture and their religious beliefs? How about the pages of short stories and poems I have writes, some of them even published? Should I keep going…

Wishing You...

Plenty of calming relaxiation...

plenty of comfortable rest...
good health, with exercise...
someone to always dance with...

a sense of adventure...

good looks...

but most impotantly, I wish you
a GREAT BIG bear hug...

and the sense of real, true love!

BUT WATCH OUT FOR THE PENGUINS!!!

Jake told me that my blog page was often very boring, he said that my posts are too long and deep and that I need to post more pictures. The chances of my posts changing are pretty slim, but I guess I can add a few more pictures. I thought these were just too cute!

"We don't need no water..."

But maybe some gasoline…

I am not particularly a fan of newcomer to country music, Taylor Swift, but I gotta tell ya, this song is catchy and true, so true! I don’t know about anyone else, but this song pretty much sums up an ex of mine.

Picture To Burn

State the obvious
I didn't get my perfect fantasyI realize you love yourself
More than you could ever love me
So go and tell your friends
That I'm obsessive and crazy
That's fine, I'll tell mine
You're gay and by the way
I hate that stupid old pickup truck
You never let me drive
You're a redneck, heartbreak
Who's really bad at lyin'
So watch me strike a match
On all my wasted time
As far as I'm concerned
You're just another picture to burn

There's no time for tears
I'm just sitting here planning my revenge
Nothing stopping me
From going out with all of your best friends
And if you come around saying sorry to me
My daddy's going to show you how sorry you'll be

Cause I hate that stupid old pickup truck
You never let me drive
You're a redneck, heartbreak
Who's really bad at lyin'
So watch me strike a match
On all my wasted time
In case you haven't heard
You're just another picture to burn

And if you're missing me
You better keep it to yourself
Cause coming back around here
Would be bad for your health
Cause I hate that stupid old pickup truck
You never let me drive
You're a redneck, heartbreak
Who's really bad at lyin'
So watch me strike a match
On all my wasted time
As Far as I'm Concerned
You're just another picture to burn

Burn, burn, burn, baby burn
Just another picture to burn
Baby, burn

Like it's a bad thing

A friend of mine, who happens to be pregnant, mentioned in an email to me yesterday that two other girls had delivered their babies the day before and that she couldn’t wait to have hers. Something to the effect of, “I want the pregnancy to be over and I just can’t wait for the baby to be here.” I agreed with her that I was glad that everyone I know who is pregnant will finally be done having their babies in a few weeks, only I meant because I am sick of hearing about pregnancies. That may sound harsh, but that is just how I feel. (I realized last night, however, that this is only the beginning since it won’t be long before I have to hear about all the cute things, or gross things, or whatever the baby does. I do think that hearing about that sort of thing will be different and much more enjoyable tough.)

I have a feeling that I might have pissed off this friend of mine when I responded with the above comment. (In my defense, I did warn her that I was not trying to be a bitch and that I didn’t want her to be mad.) After using her as a verbal punching bag, I realized that it’s not the hearing about being pregnant and what kids do that has been driving me crazy, it’s hearing from the pregnant friends, and the friends who already have kids telling me that I should have them and why that is driving me out of my mind. I have 2 friends that have not harassed me about the having kids issue: the one I was emailing with yesterday, and the wife of one of Jake’s friends. I think one of them just doesn’t push the issue since Jake and I are not married, but as long as she doesn’t push it, I don’t care what her reasoning’s are!

While I don’t mean to step on any toes with this opinion of mine, I also don’t think others should jump my ass about it. I swear if one more person tells me that it is my duty as a woman to provide a womb for my man to sow his seeds, I will rip their uterus right out of them with my bare hands!! Come on people, this is 2008, no one talks like that, very few people think like that, and if you know me at all, you shouldn’t be dumb enough to even think of saying that to me!!

This whole situation has made me think that maybe I am not as conservative as I always thought I was. (But if anyone calls me a Liberal I will have to rip out their tongues!) Jake and I live together, we live as if we are married without actually being married. We both say that now is just not the right time to take a step like that. I don’t want anyone walking me down the isle to give me away at my wedding because I firmly believe that I am no one’s possession to give away or accept. I don’t even want a lot of people, even immediate family and close friends at my wedding because I believe that is a very intimate and private moment that should be reserved for the two people who are directly affect by the commitment. And my womb is certainly not for the purpose of “my man sowing his seeds with in it,” (that just sounds so perverse!).

While I am not opposed to having kids, I can solidly say that I don’t want them at this time. How can I predict when or if there will ever be a time when I am prepared or ready? Jake and I have lived together unmarried for how long now? My point is that sometimes things happen in life that are unexpected and unplanned, and if a pregnancy happened to become one of those things, I wouldn’t think my life was over, and I would love the child, but it would still wreck the plans I have for myself.

I read an article in People Magazine about 10 different teenage girls who had had a baby. Only one of them admitted that her life was never going to be the same and, while she loved her baby and would not give him up for anything, she wished things were different. She wished things were different for her baby in that he would have a better life than what she was probably going to be able to give him, and she wished things were different for herself because she was not going to be able to do so many things that she was looking forward to doing in her life. I commend that girl for being honest with herself and the public on her feelings about the situation.

Think about it, how many girls do you know, or know of, that though, “Oh shit! My life is over!” at the sight of two little pink lines? Or if you don’t know of anyone off hand, isn’t that what you would have thought if something like that happened to you in high school? If I were to become pregnant at this point in my life, I would be devastated. Where am I going to get the money to pay for childcare? When am I going to find the time to travel? And even if I find the time to travel, how am I going to have the money to do it when there is a family to take care of? So I am selfish, but doesn’t everyone deserve a little bit of selfishness at some point in time?

I look at having children the same way I look at adopting a new puppy. I have made a vow to never buy a puppy from a breeder again on the platform of abused, neglected, and abandoned dogs. I would never again contribute to breeder when at the same time I am picking out a new purebred puppy, who will serve only as a companion and not as a show dog or hunting dog, there is an innocent and helpless mutt being put down in a shelter because of overpopulation or no one wants him, whatever. There is also an alarming rate of children, from babies to adolescents, who end up in foster care because they too have been neglected, abused, or abandoned, and need a home just as bad as the mixed breed puppy. (I personally think the puppy needs a home worse because without one his chances of survival are not good, and a child will never be put down just because someone doesn’t want to adopt them. That is just my opinion.) Personally, I would take in a foster child or adopt one before I would even consider having one of my own. (If Jake and I’s finances were a little more stable, and if the government would allow unmarried couples to be foster parents, and if our house were suitable to have children in, I would consider taking foster children in on a temporary basis even now.)

Now, I am simply stating my opinion and what I would do. I am not saying I have a problem with people having a baby of their own or buying a purebred dog or cat. I believe that a man and a woman who want to experience having their own child should, I believe that it is a pinnacle of their relationship to do so, (I also think it’s a pinnacle that Jake and I aren’t interested in reaching or experiencing). I have never, EVER, chided someone for wanting to have a baby. I have congratulated countless people on countless pregnancies, and been 100 % sincere.

My point to all of this is simply this: Don’t ever tell me that I need to have kids, or that I am not experiencing life the way God intended a woman to experience it, (because if God intended women to experience life in that way, I doubt there would be men and women alike who are unable to reproduce). I don’t tell you that you should adopt a small child from a third-world country because if you don’t he will starve or die from disease, so don’t tell me it’s a bad thing for me to make the decision not to have any kids. It’s not a bad thing, just like having kids is not a bad thing.

Who ever said tattoos aren't sexy?

Okay, I am as straight as they come, but one look at this girl and I am totally drooling!
Kat Von D is so freaking HOT!! I would give anything to look like that...tattoos and all.

Thoughts on Dieting...

Things are Looking Up...

Or at least they seem to be. First of all, let me apologize to anyone who has read this blog, (cause chances are that if you read this you are either an old friend from high school, my aunt, or of my cousins, or maybe even one of Jake’s cousins…and someone I talk to regularly, or email regularly, and you have had the unpleasant experience of dealing with my constant bitchiness for the past few weeks). Sorry for being a total bitch! Plain and simple. I have spent the past couple of days reflecting on the past couple of weeks, and what I have come up with is this: CRY ME A RIVER!! This, of course, is something else I have to apologize for doing constantly. Its one thing to cry to yourself, but it is a different story when you do nothing but whine and complain to others. I know that is what friends and family are for, but I was abusing the privilege.

I know my mom doesn’t read this, but I also owe her an apology. My grouchiness towards he has everything to do with her going on the vacation that Jake and I have been planning for ourleves for the past 2 yeawrs. I can live with the fact that she’s going, but I can’t stand to hear her her complain that she wasn’t going to have any fun. Who can honestly say that they are not going ot have any fun Las Vegas? My mom is the most spoiled person I know…jewelry, purses, dogs, vacations…she gets whatever she wants and she always complains that she won’t like it. How many times was she heard saying that she wouldn’t like her new puppy because it was a Carin Terrier and not a Westie? Can anyone now picture my mother without Dasie, her beloved Carin Terrier? I am now happy to report that I talked with my parents last night and they are both having a good time. They went with another couple who have been to Vegas before, and they are pretty much commandeering the sightseeing, and my parents are both too meek to speak up and say, “Hey, we are paying for ½ the rental car and we want to see the siren show at Treasure Island, the lions at MGM Grand, and Hoover Dam!” (Actually, that is what I wanted them to seeJ) But for the most part they are having a good time, and they have a truck-load of Hooker cards to bring home. And if the hooker cards are what does it for them, power to them!

So, why the sudden change in attitude? Ah, I am pleased that you asked. For your convenience, I list:

1. JAKE GOT A JOB!!!
I am pleased, and shamefully proud, to announce that Jake is now a design engineer for Commodore Homes. He starts Monday; he has his own office, a first shift Monday-Friday schedule, and a handsome salary. (He also has an almost hour long drive, but we’re talking about the good points, right?) What an interesting turn of events that he told me that I needed to get out of the manufactured home business, and now look where he is!

2. The greatest Kleenex EVER!!!
I was deathly sick last week with Influenza A, (I guess I am too good for the plain old flu!), a sinus infection from Hell, and a UTI, (which I am still painfully trying to get over). I missed 2 an d1/2 days of work and spent a small fortune on doctors visits, prescriptions, and Kleenex “spiked” with Vicks. I say they are “spiked” because I have become totally addicted to them. I have a box in my office, the kitchen, next to my bed, and in the bathroom. I have been caught countless times just sitting in my desk with my eyes closed and the whole box to my nose, inhaling very deeply. They are Heavenly. Kudos to the people at Puffs…You are my HEROS!!

3. Hard Rock Music
Once my brother turned 12 and 13, he got a little weird. For lack of a better word, I was sort of scared of him. We had always been close but when he reached a certain age got absorbed into his video games and sanctimonious “you-are-going-to-Hell-because-you-like-Harry-Potter- and-listen-to-rock-music” crap, I really tried to avoid him. Enter high school: Derek gets an iPod for his birthday and discovers Metallica. (Finally!) My brother discovered, not at all too soon, that you were not going to go to hell for listening to rock music, (we still don’t agree on the Harry Potter issue). Derek called me up last week and wanted to know if he could borrow my Godsmack cds. I was EXCITED. (When I was his age, Godsmack was my FAVORITE. If there were ever a band that I would have been so crazy to collect memorabilia of, it would have been them. I liked Creed too, and they were neck-to-neck with Godsmack as my favorite, but the Creed thing had about everything to do with Scott Stapp.) I was getting so sick of listening to and hearing about Metallica when I was around my brother. So, finally, if you really do go to Hell for listening to that type of music, then at least I will be in good company with my big-little brother and the guys from Godsmack! Also on Derek’s list of new favorites, Disturbed. Now we just have to get him to accept Korn and Marilyn Manson and his transformation will be complete. Mwahahaha!!!

4. Janet Evanovich
If I have said this once, I have said it a million times: This woman is AMAZING!! I was hooked on her from chapter 2 of One for the Money. I devoured her Stephanie Plum series, moved onto her romance collection, took extensive notes on her autobiographical How I Write, and I used the Alex Barnaby series as a crutch to get better while I was sick. The last Stephanie Plum book came out a few weeks ago and I have been on the waiting list for awhile at the library to get it. Finally it was my turn to check it out and I read it in a day. It was one of the between the numbers novels with Diesel, which are not typically my favorites, but it was still good. I think it was by far the funniest one I have ever read. Between Grandma Mazur and Lula, you just never know what is going to happen…like sneaking a horse into Stephanie’s apartment. I am counting down until June when the fourteenth installment of the Stephanie Plum books, Fearless Fourteen is released.

5. Myspace
Barbra Walters interviewed the two guys that started myspace for her “Most Interesting People of 2007” special. I have to admit I thought it was pretty crazy for the inventors of a socializing website to be such a craze that they land a spot on her legendary annual list. Sure I had a myspace, (doesn’t everybody? I mane, my almost Internet-illiterate grandma has a myspace!). It was not until just a few weeks ago that I learned about the myspace bulletin board and how to surf for friends. What fun! I have become obsessed. I have had the opportunity to reconnect with a couple of friends from high school, our one-legged taxidermist neighbor, and I had added some pretty cool famous people like Gary Allan, Jake Owen, Kat Von D, and I am anxiously awaiting Ted Nugent’s acceptance of my friend request. If anyone reading this has a myspace and you are not already on my buddy list – I’ll add you. (www.myspace.com/kianne121)

6. Dale, Lana, Spike and the Bulldogs, Barbados, and Norwegian Cruise Lines
Jake’s parents have been going on a Norwegian Cruise sponsored by Spike and the Bulldogs for a few years now. This year the cruise took them to Barbados. We visited them once they got home and Dale gave me a necklace, bracelet, and earring set made of blue ocean glass and hematite. It’s not really my style, but it is really pretty and I had just got an outfit that they matched perfectly. I wore the outfit and jewelry to work last Thursday. Sitting in a meeting with 3 other ladies I work with who all have more expensive and impressive jewelry than I do, the one directing the meeting stops what she’s saying and says, “Kianne, your necklace is beautiful. Is it new?” The others looked too and agreed. I can’t tell you how excited I was to have all of them compliment me on something like that. Most of the time I get weird looks from them because I wear jeans on Fridays and my Columbia fleece vest is a staple piece for me and they dress pretty glamorous-like for working in such a laid-back environment.

7. Kohl’s and Goodwill
Hooray for good deals and cool clothes! Last Monday we had to go to Kohl’s to get Jake another dress shirt and tie. Once we found what we came in for, we decided to peruse the clearance racks. I ended up finding a shirt, a pair of earrings, and (this is the best part), an pair of black dress pants with blue pinstripes that fit like they were made for me…80% off!! I paid $9.80 for a pair of pants that were originally $49!! “These will go perfect with that blue button down from NY & Company that I got at Goodwill for $4,” I thought to myself. After leaving Kohl’s we trekked to Columbia City to visit with his parents and pick up his suit jacket that he left in the back of his Jimmy on accident when he dropped off the vehicle at the mechanics. While we were there Dale gave me the jewelry that he and Lana bought for me in Barbados, (see above). While I was examining it I thought, “Wow, these will look great with the pants that I just bought and the blue NY & Co shirt from Goodwill.” I couldn’t have been more right! It’s a rare occasion that I get dressed and look in the mirror and think that an outfit totally works, and it was defiantly a welcome revelation.

8. ADIDAS, painters tape, and Peanut
It’s no secret that Peanut is really a sort of bad dog. This morning was no different. I caught him trying to be sneaky carrying ½ a roll of painters tape to his house. I took it away from him and sat it on the kitchen table. I sat down to put on my old ADIDAS tennis shoes, but I could only find one. I skimmed my eyes around the kitchen, but gave up after a minute or so and just slipped my feet into Jake’s tennis shoes sitting next to my one. I took the dog out and started my car to warm. When I came back inside I happened to glance in the direction of Peanut’s house, which is where I found my missing tennis shoe. Peanut ran ahead into the kitchen and I went about straightening up the laundry room, then it occurred to me that I had not heard any noise out of the dog. I went to inspect thinking he had probably gone upstairs and got back into my bed, (he does this a lot, he is not a morning dog). I immediately noticed one of the seat cushiness missing off the chair that I had been sitting on. I looked under the table and found, to my unsurprised, Peanut sitting on the cushion chewing on a roll of blue painters tape. I looked on the table and didn’t see a roll sitting there anymore. I figure that he jumped onto the chair and then onto the table, grabbed the tape, and the cushion slid off the chair when he jumped back down. He has done this before. I know, what a little freak!! I know that he is bad, but it is hard to stay mad at him when he is so cute, and so funny!

**So now we just need Josh the contractor to get his butt in gear and get our house done, (which will really just give Peanut more hiding places!), and we’ll be golden. Until then…it’s “just another day in Paradise.”

Sidewalk Drawings

I don't typically repost forwarded emails becasue I assume that most of the world has seen the forward, but I thought this was just too cool. The artists name is Julian Beever. He is English adn he has done his 3-D sidewalk art all over the world in places like England, France, Germany, Australia, Belgum, and the United States.

This one is called Politicians Meeting Their End.

I think this is one of the fuinnier ones.

Thank GOD we don't really have flies like that here!

This is a side view of the same picture above.

It is a little over 40' long.

Which one is real?

This is a different angle of the picture above.

I think this one is funny becasue you can tell where people are actually

stepping around the drawing. You have to wonder if they are doing

it because they think there is really a hole there or if they are

avoiding stepping on the drawing, or becasue of the camera.

Spidey to the rescue.

Wonder how much Coke paid him to do this one...

disappointment

I have spent the better part of last week in bed and sicker than a dog, (does anybody really understand that expression?). While I was sick, I was constantly complained and nagged at by Jake for "not doing anything". Okay, so someone please explain to me when it is okay for someone who has no job to bitch at someone who does, and who does all of the housework, that just happens to get sick? I have been so disgusted with him over this that I can hardly stand to be in the same room as him.

The problem is this: anytime I am sick this is how he treat me. He has gone through yet another job and left it completely up to me to see to it that bills are paid and we have food to eat. When do I get the luxury of blowing off a job just because I am not happy? When do I get to rely on someone else to take care of me? When do I get to have no worries?

It's times like this when I am already stressed and not feeling well that it makes it hard for me to see the bright side of anything, especially my relationship with Jake. In times like this when he should be doing everything in his power to make sure that I am okay because, lets face it, with no job he has all of the time in the world to be taking care of any of the house hold shit and seeing to it that I am warm and comfortable, but instead he's playing his play station and asking me what I am going to cook for supper. He should be scouring the newspapers and online jobsites looking for a job, but since he had one interview that he thinks went well, he has decided to just wait it out to see how it goes with this place.

It's times like these that I realize looking back that the only consistent thing that Jake has done in this relationship is disappoint me. Whether it's blowing off a job or blowing off a phone call from me because he's having too much fun blowing all the money he does have in a bar...he's acting the only way he seems ti know how...selfish. It hurts me so bad to admit that the only time he has ever really been there for me was when my grandpa died. 4 fucking years, and he has given me 1 week of sympathy and support.

To be fair, Jake and I have had some really good times, but the bad times outnumber the good and i feel like it's getting harder and harder to get to a place that the good times happen. I sit back and wonder if it's just the stress of the house, or employment (or the lack thereof), or whatever, but then I realize that it's just a bunch of excuses. Jake is watching the superbowl right now and he has showed more emotion towards that stupid and pointless game than he has shown to me in weeks. I know he doesn't have the same sort of emotional make-up as me. Far, far from it actually, but I just feel like he doesn't even try to care.

Valentines day is in a week or so, and as much as I say I don't care about it, I sort of do. It is true that I think it is sort of a pathetic holiday, one sort of made up just to break up the monotony of the dull winter months, but at the same time I feel fortunate to have someone special to share the holiday with and I want to celebrate it. You would think that after 4 years he would be able to realize that I would like to do something special, or at least feel like i am special to him, but it gets less and less so every year. When I asked him if he wanted me to cook something this year (because obviously with him not working we are not going to be going out), he suggests that we just rent a movie. I don't even like renting movies, and you think he would know that by now!

I guess I am just confused. I don't know what to do, and there is no talking to him about this because he just get defensive and says things like, "Well, you should get a higher paying job." EXCUSE ME, MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST GET A JOB...AND KEEP IT.

I feel like i am just using this post as a total bitch session, and I am sorry. I guess I just needed an out and I don't really feel like i can talk to anyone without them trying to solve my problem for me. The last thing I need is to hear what someone else thinks I should do or what they would do if they were me...or worse to hear them call Jake names, I can do a pretty fine job at that myself, thank you very much! I just felt like I needed to get a lot off my chest.

Maybe it's just because I am sick and bored and tired that I am being such a bitch. I don't know. Maybe its because I feel totally neglected and abandoned by my boyfriend. When you are sick and you want someone around to take care of you, or at least stick around to let the dog out to pee so you don't have to, it hurts when they say that they are sick of you just laying around and they take off to go wreck havoc around Columbia City with their brother. I have always said, and I still maintain, that I want someone to take care of me in life. I don't want to be the breadwinner and I don't want to have to be the one to nurse myself back to health. I don't think it's too much to ask to want a little old fashioned relationship. I don't know what is going on with Jake right now, but I think he had better snap out of this attitude and listen to me when I am telling him I am not happy. I have left before, and I am starting to wonder if I am going to have to do it again. But if I do have to do it again, I can guarantee you that there will not be a "next time" with him. If he can't seem to get it right after all this time, I don't think he ever will.