Why us?

I am not the type of person that complains and is down on themselves when something bad happens to them. Well, I have been known to complain, but I don’t get desperate and hysterical. I have a feeling that is about to change.

The weekend that we moved into our house my grandpa died and Jake lost his job. As if it isn’t stressful enough that we moved into a gigantic shell of a house, we had to deal with the stress of a death and unemployment too? Through all of that I maintained the idea that it was all a blessing in disguise. After all, Grandpa had Parkinson’s Disease and had not been in the best of health for many years so it was better off that he was not suffering anymore, and Jake losing his job because of going to the funeral should have been the icing on the cake but I brushed it off as a blessing as well because there was no way that I could have gotten through that funeral without him! I am a bubbly and optimistic person by nature so I deal with the bad things in life by pretending everything is okay. (My cousin Sara says this has nothing to do with being bubbly or optimistic. She says is a genetic trait called denial that I inherited from the Allen side of the family.) Genetic denial or born personality, I just find a light at the end of the tunnel and keep chuggin’ along like the Little Engine that Could.

I just got a call from Jake telling me that his boss told him that he would not be working there any longer after 3 weeks time. He is currently working through a temp agency that found him a job less than a week after he lost his job at the foundry. He likes working there and, like everything else, he got the hang of the work faster than most people. He has been lead to believe that as soon as a position opened up he would be able to be hired in direct and work for the company with better pay and all of the benefits. Instead they would hire people off the street and have Jake train them.

I can’t deal with this anymore! What did we ever do to deserve this? Why do bad things keep happening to us? How on earth are we supposed to keep the bills paid and the house heated on my measly hourly wage? I know that “good things happen to those who wait”, but who made up the rule that “good things happen to those who wait, but just for a little bit and them we are going to take it away”? I am so sick and tired of being a strong person. There are some people in this world who have everything handed to them and they never have to work a day in their lives. Jake and I have had quite a bit of things handed to us…but we have also waited and drudged through the pits of our own hell before we got where we are today. I don’t want things handed to me on a silver platter or even anything close to that. I am even comfortable with the uncertainty of not knowing is we will get all of the bills paid this month, well not comfortable but I have dealt with it enough that I am not overly concerned. I can deal with Jake taking the stress of it all out on me. But I simply cannot deal with things getting near perfect and then stripped away like this anymore.

I know life is not fair and that everyone gets a little down and out sometimes, but it just seems to happen to Jake and I a lot more than most other people. I just want to know why. I want to know what to do to get out of this rut. It’s a terrible feeling when something good happens to you and you don’t even get excited anymore because you know it’s not going to last.