An Obituary for Christmas

Last night I had the most awful dream. I dreamt that I was in an SUV type vehicle with Jake, his cousin Austin, and a few other people; Austin was driving and Jake and I were in the backseat, I'm not sure who the other people were. I don't really remember anything of it except that Austin was driving like a maniac and the radio was loud and everyone in the car except me was yelling and singing. (This probably stems from the fact that we had Christmas with Jakes family yesterday and no matter what I do I am always the odd one out. I am the weird girl who talks about books and getting a PH. D. someday in some sort of curtural study of Central Asian Studies - Nepal, Tibet, Buhtan - while everyone else in the family either works for the family business or works at drinking and trying to stay out of jail...or there's the occasional drug dealer. I was all day referred to as "her" or "Jake's girlfriend". But, whatever, right?) Anyway...when we started going down a curvy road WAY too fast, I started yelling for him to slow down. We ended up driving into this sort of ditch pond place. I am not sure how I died, but somehow I did when we went into the pond. No one would call the police or the EMS, the just kept saying that I had passed out and that I would be okay.

This is when Peanut started barking and woke me up. Thank GOD!! I know I had died in the dream even though no one actually said it because the whole time I was dreaming before the accident it was like I was acting in a play, and once the accident happened it was like I was looking down at everyone looking down at me lying on the ground.

SCARY!!

Dreams are so funny how they work. All day I was surrounded by people who make me feel unwelcome...and I am always scared that i will be in an accident and not be able to call anyone since I don't have a cell phone anymore...

When I went to bed last night I had cramps really bad and I could not get to sleep. I decided to take a Darvocet left over from Jake's surgery so the cramps would go away and I could sleep. I blame the pain killers since I never take pills and I never have wack-o dreams.

My sister has funny dreams. She told me once of a dream she had that Mike Sassanella called her to tell her church was cancelled becasue there was an 11-foot long sea monster in the basement and he just didn't think it was safe. And just on Saturday, she told me of a dream that she had had where she called to doctor's office to find out what to take for some of the cold symptoms she had been haivng and the doctor told her that the best cure was to sleep on 6 pieces of white bread. I told Kristin I thought it was time she get off the drugs she was doing!

It's no secret that my family has seen more death this past year than ever before. I lie awake last night rattled from the dream I had just had and wondering about what it would be like if I were to die. Morbid, I know. I don't have any preperations or instructions to leave behind.

I know I am young and that the only things I have to my name are really a nearly broken-down car, debt of course, a diamond ring that would only bring $57 if it were hocked, a dog that doesn't like anyone but me really, and a house that Jake and I own jointly. Shouldn't I have a plan for these things? I have beneficeraies named for my 401K, life insurance, adn savings account, but that is only becasue you have to name someone before you turn in the papers.

Who will take care of Peanut?
Who will make sure that Jake is eating good food and not just frozen pizza, Doritos and Chinese takeout?
Will someone make sure I am buried in an eco-friendly box? (I don't care if worms crawl out of my eye sockets!)
Will anyone know to play music at my funeral and what I want to be played?
Will my scrapbooks be at my funeral for everyone to look at?
Will somone make sure that Jake gets to keep my new tv?
Who will switch the Mediacom bill into Jake's name?
Will Mom and Dad make sure that Jake is okay?
What would I be buried in - or do I want to be creamated?
Will I be buried with y ring or will Jake want it back?
If I am creamated what will happen to my ashes? (I don't want anyone in my family to keep them, that is too creepy.)

I know this is a morbid and macbre thing to be concerned about for me being so young, but you do need to thing about these things. You just never know when God will see fit to end your visit on earth.