Dieting

It's Saturday morning, and I am at worked bored nearly to death. Well, I am a girl and what do most girls want to do when they are bored? EAT!! I mozied on into the kitchen at my office and got myself out a Coke and an Apple turnover from Arby's. As I sit in my office drinking my Coke and eating the apple turnover...I scold myself for eating this way.

I have started a diet and nutrition program that is offered by the company that we have our home based business with. I have been doing it for almost 1 month and I have not noticed any results. I stopped eating chips and fast food, and I cut pop out almost completely, (the only exception being Wednesday lunches with Mom and when I forget my water bottle at home on work days). I walk around the lot at my work 5 times a day, which is equal to 1 mile, and I run on the days that I close and i'm here by myself. I eat fruit constantly! I have always liked to eat fruit and never had any problems trying to get myself to eat it, but lately I have to force myself to choke it down!

My mom loaned me a book that has recipies for chilled fruit soups, that has helped, but they are not filling. I go to the Cupbearer nearly everyday to get a strawberry smoothie. I am starting to run out of ideas!

Have you ever seem the commercial on tv, I think it's for SlimQuik, where it shows a lady and a man and she says how they are doing the same things to loose weight, but he is loosing a lot and she looks the same? That is exactly how I feel!! Jake comes home almost everyday and tells me what the scale said at work...and I can't even pretend to be happy for him. I just can't believe that I am not even 25 years old yet and I have hit this stage. What do I have to look forward to in the future if this continues?

40 Things That Happened To Me This Month

1. I sold 4 houses.
2. I purchased a Wellness Home.
3. I interviewed for a position of outside sales...selling supplemental insurance, (BLECH!!).
4. I filed a formal complaint against my boss for sexual harassment.
5. I sat through a formal investigation reguarding my complaint.
6. I learned that more often than not, employeers aren't really interested in the best interest of their employees.
7. I learned the kind of integrity that 1 friend inparticular has when he quit his job because he did not agree with the decisions made and how the complaint was handeled.
8. I met millionaire and Nikken Royal Ambassador, Dennis Williams!
9. I fell in love with Jake all over again.
10. I think I can remember a couple of incidences that I really disliked him too.
11. I stood up for what I believe in and wrote a letter to the editor of the local newspaper about animal abuse. (It was never printed, but it's the thought that counts, right?)
12. I introduced Peanut to his new cousin, Sam's puppy Colt.
13. I had lunch 3 times with some friends who currently live in China and are visiting for the summer.
14. I saw Pirates 3 and rediscovered my neverending obsession with Johnny Depp.
15. I discoverd how much fun blogging really is.
16. I discoverd the most amazing home for sale in Auburn and we are currently in the process of submitting an offer.
17. I learned that dealing with mortgage companies can really be a pain!
18. I also discoved that if you have a mortgage broker with a voice as sexy as the one I talk to...it's not that bad to have to deal with them! (PS, thanks to Ernie and Lisa for giving me that number!!)
19. I learned that network marketing, while having the possibilities of a big payoff, is VERY hard starting out.
20. I met some really amazing people through Nikken.
21. I saw Ted Nugent and rediscoverd my infatuation with him as well.
22. I cried while watching a National Geographic special on "Hogzilla", a 12 foot long wild pig that weighed 1100 pounds. (Seriously!)
23. I interviewed for a part time secretarial position with a financial firm in Auburn and did not get the job.
24. I have submitted more resumes than I can count, and I have yet to hear anything back from any of them that I am actually interested in.
25. I realized how tough it is to find "the perfect job for me", whatever taht might be.
26. I am now realizing howw hard it is to remember 40 things that I did this month.
27. I cheated on my appointment log and had a friend and her fiance come in and pretend to be customers so that I would have something to do on Saturday.
28. I reconnected with an old friend and went shopping, and had a great time.
29. I saw another old friend at WalMart and wanted to hide under the table and hope she would forget that I was there!
30. Peanut attacked a neighbor's PitBull and sent him running away.
31. I have started to overcome my fear of calling people I have never talked to before and answer their questions about my business or buying a house.
32. My boobs got bigger. I went to Victoria's Secret for my summer pilgriamage to the Semi-Annual Sale and purchased 2 bras, the same size and style as always. When I put one on the next morning it didn't fit! So, I tried on the other one, which was the exact same only a different color, and it didn't fit either!! ARGH!!! I am going to cut the damn things off myself.
33. I met a bridezilla and swore NEVER to become one!
34. I walked Peanut with Carma and Scooter uptown to see the statues.
35. I stood up for myself and yelled at my boss and the 2 bad coworkers, and diodn't cry 1 single tear!
36. I learned to Sudku.
37. I took some much needed time off of work.
38. I had a lot of good sleep on my Nikken sleep set!
39. I decided to go on a diet...and I am really tired of not eating chips!
40. I made a cheese stuffed chicken breast for dinner that was to die for!

The Starfish Story

I read this in a magazine and tought it was sweet:

A little girl was walking along a beach that was covered with thousands of starfish left dying in the sun by the receding tide. Seeking to help, she picked up a starfish and tossed it back into the ocean.

A man, amused by her action, said to her, "Little girl, there are too many starfish. You will never make a difference." Discouraged, she began to walk away. Suddenly, she turned around, picked up another starfish, and tossed it as far as she could back into the sea. Turning to the man, she smiled and said, "I made a difference to that one!"

The man looked at the little girl inquisitively and thought about what she had said and doone. Inspired, he joined the little girl in throwing the starfish back into the sea. Soon, others joined, and all the starfish were saved.

What's in a name?

My name has been a defining part in who I am, really. For a red head that has a temper, having a name like Kianne...well, it seems a little like fate. Growing up I never really liked my name. I can even remember writing different names on my papers at school.

I guess saying that I never really liked my name is an understatement; I hated my name. My sister's name is Kristin, and my brother is Derek. I couldn't understand why my mom and dad gave me such an odd ball name. When we would go to county fairs or fleamarkets, really anywhere that sold anything with names on it, Mom would always buy my brother and sister something and mine would be special ordered, (which usually meant that instead of getting a present just because, I had to wait until my birthday). And the nicknames...that was the worst!
One year my mom sent a picture of the three of us kids into the local news channel for my sister's birthday. The woman announcing the names just butchered mine!! I cried all that morning.

Now that I am older, I like my name. Because it is different, but more exotic sounding. It does get kind of annoying when I am telling someone my name..."Kianne, like pepper," every freaking conversation! But, it's just one more thing that sets me apart, and is somewhat of a conversation starter.

The Most Inappropriate Place That I Have Ever Used The Bathroom

When I was about 6, my older cousin Tonya had a summer job babysitting at a big, fancy house with a really awesome pool and a curvy waterslide. One afternoon she invited Mom, Grandma Booe, Kristin, and I over to swim. I know that there were other people there too, but I can't remember who it was.

When we got to the house, Tonya showed us around and pointed out the bathroom and said to be sure to dry ourselves off very well before going inside to pee. (I am sure you have a pretty good idea where this is going.)

All day long I went down that slide - I don't remember ever having more fun at a pool as a kid. When it was time to eat lunch, Mom forced me to get out so that I could eat. Of course, I cried and yelled and carried on, making a rather embarassing scene for my mom and Booe-Booe. Sometime during lunch, a comment was made about the fact that I had not been to the bathroom since we had gotten there, except to put on my bathing suit. I swore that I didn't have to go, and I never did. The adults knew better, they saw how much of that pool water I was gulping down, (accidentally), everytime I came up from under water.

Now, being 6 years old, I knew I was not suppossed to pee in a swimming pool. But on the other hand, being 6 years old, I was not going to miss one minuite of playing in this pool! Basically, I pissed all over myself all day long and couldn't have been happier.

Later on in the afternoon, Tonya swam up to me and asked if I knew how to tell that someone had peed in the pool. She went on to tell me that when someone pees in the pool, a yellow ring appears in the water behind them. Of course, I believed her. I knew that she had figures me out, so to keep myself out of trouble I did the only thing that I could think of.

"What does it mean when you see a red circle behind someome?", I asked Tonya as innocently as I could possibly manage.

"Why? Was there a red line behind you?"

"No, but there was one behind Kristin when she got off of the slide!"

That's right, I blamed it on my little sister. I know that everyone there knew that I was peeing in the pool all day long, but I seriously thought back then that I could just blame it on someone else. I don't see Tonya very often anymore now that I have moved away and she has a family of her own, but I think that the next time I see her I will have to ask her what it means when you see a red or yellow ring behind someone when they are swimming!

Pass the Butter, Please

Margarine was originally manufactured to fatten turkeys. When it killed the turkeys, the people who had put all the money into theresearch wanted a payback so they put their heads together tofigure out what to do with this product to get their money back. It was a white substance with no food appeal so they added the yellow coloring and sold it to people to use in place of butter. How do you like it? They have come out with some clever new flavorings.

DO YOU KNOW the difference between margarine and butter?
Read on to the end...gets very interesting!
Both have the same amount of calories.
Butter is slightly higher in saturated fats at 8 grams compared to5 grams.
Eating margarine can increase heart disease in women by 53% overeating the same amount of butter, according to a recent HarvardMedical Study.
Eating butter increases the absorption of many other nutrients inother foods.
Butter has many nutritional benefits where margarine has a few only because they are added!Butter tastes much better than margarine and it can enhance the flavors of other foods.
Butter has been around for centuries where margarine has beenaround for less than 100 years.

And now, for Margarine..
Very high in trans fatty acids.
Triple risk of coronary heart disease.
Increases total cholesterol and LDL (this is the bad cholesterol)and lowers HDL cholesterol,(the good cholesterol).
Increases the risk of cancers up to five fold.
Lowers quality of breast milk.
Decreases immune response.
Decreases insulin response.
And here's the most disturbing fact....HERE IS THE PART THAT IS VERY INTERESTING!

Margarine is but ONE MOLECULE away from beingPLASTIC.

This fact alone was enough to have me avoiding margarine for life and anything else that is hydrogenated (this means hydrogen isadded, changing the molecular structure of the substance).

You can try this yourself:Purchase a tub of margarine and leave it in your garage or shaded area. Within a couple of days you will note a couple of things:* no flies, not even those pesky fruit flies will go near it (that should tell you something)* it does not rot or smell differently because it has no nutritional value; nothing will grow on it. Even those teeny weeny microorganisms will not find a home to grow. Why? Because it is nearly plastic.

Would you melt your Tupperware and spread that on your toast?

I Believe in...

I believe in God.
I believe in the power of prayer.
(I just don't do it often enough.)

I believe that everyone who works in the same office should be held to the same standards and rules.
I believe that men who gang up on the women in the office should have their balls put in a vice and squeezed off.

I believe in true love.

I believe in animal rights.
I believe that anyone who harms an animal should be tortured mercilessly.

I believe in guns.
I believe in the NRA.
I believe in our right to bare arms!!

I believe that Dr. Phil can help anyone with their problems if they will let him.
I believe that watching Dr. Phil help people with their problems is sort of cheesy.

I believe that when someone farts or burps, they should say excuse me.
I believe that no exceptions should be given for this rule.

I believe in the old saying, "Spare the rod, spoil the child."

I believe in a lot of things...and I could keep this going all day. I believe that I am using this entry as more of a venting session than anything else so anyone reading this is probably pretty annoyed.

I am too good for him

I had a dream last night about my ex boyfriend. Well, it wasn't really about him...but he was in it. Anytime I see his vehicle or him, or if anyone mentions his name I cringe. It was a long time ago that I dated him, and I was a different person back them, but I am still ashamed of who I was when I was with him. I never talk about this guy. One reason why is that Jake can't stand him for many different reasons...and the other reason is because it makes my stomach churn to think of him.

If some guy ever tells you that, "You're to good for me," BELIEVE HIM!!! Nobody would know this better than he would. There is no point in wasting your time even wondering what might have happened. Trust me on this one...it turns you into a cynical person who can no longer realize when you have something good, you have to second guess everything and that will ruin what is good.

My First (Significant) Kiss

Wow...the memories that are associated with this defining moment of my young adulthood still give me chills down the spine of my back when I think back. However significant the first kiss may be in my young adulthood, it is merely a stain on the canvas that is my life.

My first kiss was with someone I liked, okay...really liked, and it was neat because I had no idea that he liked me too. It happened one morning when I was at work; I had finished working for the day and I was sitting inside waiting on my mom to come and pick me up because I had a couple of weeks left until I could get my liscence. It was one of those really akward moments...the kind when you both know what's going to happen, but neither one of you know exactly what to do. He leaned in, I turned my head and faked a sneeze, it was an obvious fake too! I felt my face turn red and hot and I was afraid to look at him so I quickly turned away. He put his hand on my cheek and turned my face back towards him and he kissed me.

The next few days we avoided each other like the plague. It never happened again. We never even talked about it. We still talked and everything was fine, I still see him now sometimes. But even just thinking about it and blogging about it right now is making my face turn about 30 shades of red...so I tend to force this memory out. How could I have been so dumb to actually fake a sneeze!?!?!?

Yesterday after I choose this topic and IM'ed Carma, I regreted it! But, we both talked about it and discovered that we both felt the same way about reminiscing this particular moment in our lives, both for different reasons, but nonetheless. So, we decided to modify the topic and write about our first significant kiss. This is an even better story!

I had known Jake for quite a few weeks. I met him just before going through a pretty tough break-up with another guy and we had hung out a lot. I thought he was cute, but I never expected a relationship. I was renting my house from his dad and he was doing some work down there, so he was there the majority of the day. Before long, he went home only to eat and sleep, (and the occassional late nights with his buddies getting drunk and stoned and wrecking their havoc on Washington Township), and was spending the majority of his time at my house. One night, after the break-up, I had been invited to a party that was being hosted by one of the guys at work. I knew my ex was going to be there so, naturally, I didn't want to go alone.

I called Jake up and asked him to go as my designated driver, which was my sneaky way of getting him to go and not make it sound like I was asking him on a date, he said yes. We were there for awhile, and I drank a lot! (I took along a 1/2 gallon jug of Crown Royale whiskey that belonged to my roommate and nursed that thing the whole time.) Well, being bummed out about the split a few weeks earlier combined with the excess amount of strait whiskey that I had ingested...I think you get the picture. I found Jake and told him I was ready to go home, when he asked why I started bawling so he put his arm around me and helped me to the car. The whole way back to my house I laid across his lap crying. He unlocked the door and followed me in, I sat down to take off my boots. He asked if I was okay when I went to stand up and fell back down. I sighed and told him that I was sorry for acting like such a maroon, he laughed. I stood back up and he put his arms around me, and then he kissed me. I pulled away and laughed nervously, he asked what was wrong and I shrugged my shoulders. He kissed me again. I mean kissed me again. I was amazing! (So amazing in fact that I forgot about what's-his-name. I also forgot to go to work the next morning, but I think that might have had more to do with the whiskey than the kiss!)

And that is my idea of a first kiss story!

Grandma's Wisdom

Love is grand!!
Divorce is a hundred grand.

I am in shape.
Round is a shape.

Time may be a great healer,
but it's a lousy beautician.

Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.

Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

Even if you are on the right track,
You'll get run over if you just sit there.

An optimist thinks this is the best possible world.
A pessimist fears this is true.

There will always be death and taxes;
However, death doesn't get worse every year.

In just two days,
tomorrow will be yesterday.

I am Not over weight
I am a nutritional overachiever.

I plan on living forever.
So far, So good.

Practice safe eating --
always use condiments.

A day without sunshine is like night.

It's frustrating when you know all the answers,
But nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time,
but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

Brain cells come and brain cells go,
But fat cells live forever.

Age doesn't always bring wisdom.
Sometimes it comes alone.

Life not only begins at forty,
It also begins to show.

When you're green, you're growing.
When you're ripe, you're rotten.

I smile because I am your friend!
I laugh because there is nothing you can do about it.

"I Got me an Overdose of Rock-n-Roll"!!!

So last night I went with a friend of mine to see Ted Nugent. Oh! My! Gosh! That was so much fun. You know, this guy is 59 years old and he has more energy than my 15 year old brother and his friends. I think that this is one of the best concerts I have ever been too. He sang so many of everyone's favorite songs and some new ones that will be out on his new cd, "Love Grenade '07", which will be in stores next Tuesday and I think I will just have to buy it for Jake and I.

The set he had was really neat...it was like Charlelton Heston's paradise! There were guns and animal skulls, American flags and bow and arrows. I think the best part was when he started pulling guns down and saying, "We'll be in NY tomorrow, and do you know that i'm going to dedicate my show to Hillary. That's right i'm gonna hold up my machine guns and say 'Suck on this Hillary, you stupid f**king bitch! F**k you, you whore!! No shit!!' Yeah, he was a little explicit...but it was well worth it!! I was not at all disappointed with the set, the show, or the venue. I hope to see him again very soon...and I hope that Jake will be able to get off work and come with me next time.

GREAT GONZOS!!!!

I am so excited I can barley sit still in my chair!!! I am going to see Ted Nugent tonight at Piere's!! How can you not admire this man? Seriously?!? Ted is like the ultimate American role model. He's got more patriotism than anyone else I can think of, he's anti-drug, he's a hardcore outdoorsman, he's active with DARE, has a camp for kids where they can learn gun saftey and any outdoor skill you can imagine...I can go on and on!! I am just rambling because I am so excited! I'm going to get my "Wang Dang Sweet Poontang" fix!!

Them Bones

Three cowboys sit on a split rail fence
Long on bruises, short on sense
Put them together and what do you get...
Besides three pairs of jeans and a pile of debt?

Add'em all up and the sum of their parts
Is 27 fingers and 3 broken hearts.
30 pretty toes, only 2 of them broke
Hide more scarred than the bark of an oak.

5 good eyes, one made of glass
3 bum kness and a bad case of gas!
3 strong backs, but all of them achin'
And all 3 mustached smiles filled with Copenhagen

A bottle of pills for a bad tic-tocker
and a half-full perscription from Doc Johnny Walker.
A surgeons nightmare that sits on a rail,
But they're married to the range and bonded to the trail.

They'll never be famous,
They'll never be wealthy
But they love the life...
'Cause it's just so damn healthy!!

100 Things That Make Me Happy

In no particular order...

1. Puppies
2. Books
3. Quiet Saturdays
4. Good wine
5. Going out for dinner
6. Naps
7. Live music
8. Hugs and kisses
9. Laughing
10. Snowflakes
11. Hammocks
12. Scrapbooking
13. Warm bread (especially beer bread made with Killians!!)
14. Shopping
15. Bubble baths
16. Rainbows
17. Late night thunderstorms
18. Cats
19. Pizza
20. Flowers
21. A clean house
22. Traveling
23. Memories
24. Long talks with friends
25. Coffee
26. Painting
27. Roadtrips
28. Fun earrings
29. Swimming
30. Cosmo (the magazine and the drink)
31. Sunshine
33. Kittens
34. Cocktails
35. Parties
36. Holidays
37. Sleeping in
38. Fireworks
39. Singing
40. Pictures
41. Make up
42. Cowboys
43. Driving fast
44. Good sex!!
45. Maps
46. Moster trucks
47. Demolition durbys
48. 4 wheelers
49. Shade trees
50. Camo
51. Tequila and beer
52. Dove dark chocolate
53. Ruby slippers
54. A walk in the woods
55. Rodeos
56. Cheesecake
57. Dr. Pepper
58. Grey's Anatomy, (or should I say...McDreamy!!)
59. Desperate Housewives
60. Gin and tonic and limes
61. !Mas tequila and beer!
62. Karaoke
63. Kayaking
64. Geese (HONK! HONK!)
65. Bike rides
66. Church on Sundays
67. Wal Mart
68. Victoria's Secret
69. The Golden Girls
70. Back country roads
71. Flea markets
72. "Boots and chaps and cowboy hats"
73. Tomb Raider
74. Gemstones
75. Leather purses
76. Waterfalls
77. Playdough
78. Nintendo games
79. Wildflowers
80. NRA and Charleton Heston
81. Stained glass windows
82. Disney movies
83. Girls night out
84. Fresh, clean sheets
85. Trampolines
86. Dancing
87. Trail riding
88. Pizza Hut salad bar
89. Travel Chanel
90. Wranglers (butts)
91. Chips and dip
92. Farms
93. Chicken noodle soup
94. Autumn leaves
95. Spring growth
96. Exercise balls
97. Cool showers
98. Loud country music
99. Funny emails
100. Knowing I have friends, family, and Peanut who love me!

My Worst Habit

Let me begin first of all by saying, I hate this topic, Carma! I don't know why, but it seems that everytime I am in a class or something where keeping a journal is involved this topic is chosen.
Anyhoo...

I would have to say that my worst habit would be....any combination of the following
1. Tardiness
2. Smoking
3. Being somewhat flakey when it comes to certain people
4. Not attending church regularly
5. Eating to much junk food, (and I actually complain that I am getting to ba a chub, hmm...)
6. Not working out

The list can go on and on...

I really miss...

I really miss living with my parents and having no worries.
I really miss working at a job that I like.
I really miss not having to work for a living, but for fun.
I really miss walking in the woods with Uncle Tom.
I really miss my Uncle Tom.
I really miss feeding the pigs with Dad.
I really miss living on a farm in the woods.
I really miss living near my family.
I really miss playing in my grandma's makeup.
I really miss the way a new relationship is spontaneous and not routine.
I really miss the first kiss.
I really miss homework.
I really miss not having to work out and always being able to wear the same size of pants.
I really miss looking HOT in a pair of Wranglers and a cowboy hat.
I really miss seeing guys that look really HOT in Wranglers and a cowboy hat.
I really miss going to a different concert every week.
I really miss the close knit friendships I had in high school.
I really miss passing notes about how cute the student service worker is in freshman biology.
I really miss my first house in Columbia City.
I really miss having my own place.
I really miss riding horses everyday and going to horse shows every weekend.
I really miss my old white Subaru.
I really miss staying up all night with Carma talking about boys and what we wanted to do someday. I really miss Browndog.
I really miss my blissful innocence and unscathed perceptions of the world and the people around me.

Did I Shave my Legs for This?

Anybody remember that satirical county song by Deana Carter about the woman who's in a worthless relationship and a dead-end career who has recently realized that her life is not at all what she expected it to be? It's one of those songs that you hear and usually joke about, like "Hey, this is so close to my life but off just enough to be depressing and funny at the same time."Well, I would be lying if I said that my life was anywhere near that close to the song, but sometimes I sure feel like it!

Our corporate office sent an investigator to talk to everyone about the complaint that I filed. As it turns out, the owners dad is a retired detective. Going into my interview I was really nervous, but I stopped myself from feeling that way. I am not in the wrong here and I have nothing to loose. So for over an hour I rehashed everything inappropriate that has happened since I started this job. He recorded everything, which is not a bad thing. I did feel as if he was making judgements against me. He told me that he was the impartial third party that was there only to ask questions and to get the facts from everyone and that his questions are very pointed and blunt. Even though he told me that, I couldn't help but feel as if he were using the fact that I am a sensitive person against me. (I didn't cry the whole time; I only cried when I told him about my boss threatening to drown my dog. I was very proud of myself!) You know how you see those bull shit cop shows on tv...the ones where the detectives think they know who the criminal is so they badger that one person until they can't take the pressure so they confess, even though they were innocent? That was how I felt. But, there is nothing more I can do about it at this time, it is in corporate's hands to make the decision.

After dealing with all of that in the morning, I was beat. I needed to talk to someone who is friendly and has a habit of making you feel good when you are bummed. So, I drove outside of town to a local warehouse that I used to work at to visit an old friend. As we stood outside smoking way to many cigarettes I told him what had been going on and the events of the past couple of days. We talked for awhile untile the gas truck pulled up, (The man that drives that truck is a prevert...every Friday he would come into my office for me to sign his invoice and he would make all sorts of rude comments to me when I worked there.) He pulls up next to where Dean and I are standing and lets out his air brakes, which causes a burst of air that blows up my skirt. I was mortified! But I am sure you can imagine what the gas man had to say about that. I said goodbye to Dean and got in my car and drove away.

Why do men think that it's okay to talk to women like this?

I'm pretty mouthy and I usually let people know when they are overstepping boundries, but I usually let comments like this just roll off my back. I have heard them for so long that I guess I was just used to it, and it never seemed to bother me until just now. The other people I was hearing things from was truck drivers, gun slingers and hillbillies...so you are not suprised to hear comments like that coming from them. Since dealing with the problems here at my current place of employment I have become uber-sensitive about these things. I have become a dfferent person who is skeptical about everyone I meet now; I was never a guarded person before and I don't like being one now! I resent my boss for making me feel this way towards others.It's not just strangers that I feel this way about either. The way I act towards people I care about has changed too, even though I knew their personality before all of this happened. It bothers me the most with Jake, and I know it bothers him too. I know there is a possibility that I could lose my job over this whole ordeal; Then so be it! I will proudly be a martyr for this cause! I feel better at the end of everyday knowing that I took a stand for what is right and I am a changed girl because of it, in both good and bad ways.

Wrangler Butts Drive Me Nuts!!!

So I go to the gas station to fill up this afternoon on my break from work, I always go to the same gas station and I always pay with a check. My checks have cowboys and horses on them and rarely does anyone comment on them.

So as I am writing out the check to pay for my gas, the guy working behind the counter asks me if I like cowboys. I look up at him with a big grin on my face and answer with a simple "Yee Haw!" He was quit for a minute, then he says, "Yeah, I do too."

I paused for just a second thinking that that sounded weird, but I didn't say anything to him. I continued on writing my check and tried to just forget about what he had said, knowing that if I said anything I was liable to regret saying anything. But, I just couldn't help it...

"Yeah, there's nothing better than a tight ass in a pair of Wranglers," I said to his as I handed over my check. (The little voice in my head is screaming, "Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!," in a Bobby Hill voice.)

"Oh, you know, I have a t-shirt that says "Wrangler butts drive me nutts". That is so true!", the clerk said to me. I searched his face for any sort of clue that would let me know that he was joking...but I think he was totally serious!

"That's probably a woman's shirt that says that, you know," I said to him laughing.

He shook his head back at me, never even smiling and sayid, "I know it is. Tha's why I bought it, because there's a cowboy on it."

Seriously. This is a true story.

To the Man I Know as John Adams

To the man...the man?
To the guy I know as John Adams:
It's the first day and you are a stranger,
nothing but a stranger to us
to Tony, Tonsifer.
Just another screwball pothead destined for detention.
We embrace you, make you our friend
make you one of us.
We share everything...Tony shares everthing.
From history homework to hook ups,
you were introduced into his world.
Introduced and accepted,
And trusted.

It's your last day
Where are you going John Adams?
What will you do?
We will miss you,
Tony will miss you, friend.

Hole in my head.
You ruined his life...
helped to ruin his life.
It's all my fault, I made you Tony's friend.
Hole in my head
You make me feel so bad, right now I wish I were dead!
Friends help friends.
But you, you are not a friend.
John Adams is my friend, Tony's friend.

Help Tony.
Help me help Tony.
Help yourself sleep better at night.
Undercover.

Goodnight, John Adams.

STAND up for what you believe!

I have had my current job since December; I work in a professional sales office. To the naked eye it looks like any other professional environment, but behind closed doors it's a whole different story. Let me explain...

I am the only girl in an office 5, I am also the youngest person (I am 23, two are 43, and the others are 52 and 58). I am in the minorty any way you look at it. When I was first hired everything was easy going, it wasn't until probably my sixth week that things started to get hairy. My boss told me that he wished he would have hired someone else. Just like that, out of the blue. I sat in my office and tried so hard to choke back the tears that were running down my cheeks. Why was he so mean to me for no reason?

Well, things continued on that way for a couple of weeks and then stopped so I let it go. Then on Saturday, March 3 I was talking with a lady coworker that is now no longer working here, (I had known her previously so it was routine conversation between a couple of chatty ladies), and telling her about how I had a lot of appointments for the weekend and when I told Jake he reacted by smacking me on the butt and saying, "Make me proud, Baby." Well, one of the appointments went well and my boss, who had overheard the conversation between the receptionist and myself, came up to me and smacked my butt and said, "Make me proud, Baby!"

WHAT THE F***!?!? But I let it go, telling myself that it was all in good fun and that it was an isolated incident. Boy oh boy, was I wrong. From that time on he touched my butt fairly routinley. I had never dealt with this sort of behavior before so I was not quite sure how to react. I knew that it was not appropriate, but at the same time I felt like everyone was making a joke out of it so I treated it the same way. Jake didn't. He was pissed and on an almost daily basis he would tell me that if I didn't do something about it, he would take it into his hands.

Well, the inappropriate touching stopped, but then started the lude comments. I already have body issues, (what girl doesn't), but this took things way out of hand. Almost daily he was making some sort of remark about how I should wear spandex or the size of my breasts, anything along those lines. There was a time that I told him something that was going on with a customer, a concern that I thought he should be aware of since he is the boss and he said, "That's great, now say it with your top off." That is a quote he heard on some movie that he has said many times.

Along with all of the comments he has directed to me, he is also constantly making lude comments about women at our corporate office, customers, and women who turn in resumes. All of these comments are sexual and derogitory. He threw away one resume, saying that "I don't want to look at her fat, ugly ass all day." There is also another guy in the office that he occasionally pokes fun of for being overweight.

Then there's the issue of him picking on me. He shows favoritism to one employee, who is less than valuable to the company in my book, that has a daily habit of leaving early and coming in late and taking exceedingly long lunches. If I am a couple of minutes later walking in the front door than what he would like, he is all over me about it. I come to work everyday, I sell houses, I contact my customers, I get along harmoniously with everyone in the office and never cause any ripples in the pond. So once again...WHAT THE F***!?!?

Most recently, my boss and the other guy, ganged up on me about having to take my dog to the vet. Peanut had an appointment on Friday morning, (Friday is my scheduled day off, I had customers coming in for the afternoon, but I had already had that worked out with them, I was going to meet them here at noon.), and these two guys decided that it was a waste of time for me to take care of my dog and thought I should come into the office. My boss said, "Well geeze, Kianne, I think you ought to have your boyfriend take care of the dog so you aren't losing a deal." To which I replied that I was not going to loose a deal, that I had already worked out the scheduling with the customers and that he was my dog and therefore my responsibility. He responded with, "Well, i'd rather let the dog die than run into this problem again." I was dumbfounded. At this time, my coworker jumped in and pointed out the window and said, "You see those cinder blocks outside there? I'll tie the end of a rope to one of them and the other end to your dog's leg and throw it in the lake."

"What did you just say?" I asked. I had every hope in the world that I had heard him wrong.

"I hate dogs! I'm not kidding."

"Well," I said, voice quiverring and hands shaking, "maybe I should just tie your fucking daughters to a brick and watch them drown. I hate kids."

Well, that got quite a reaction from both of them. They told me to calm down and that what I said was uncalled for. Well, it's not like me to say something like that, and I never would have under any different circumstances. I only did it in retaliation.

I had been keeping a notebook of exact dates and times of any incident that occoured that was inappropriate. Whether this was a lude comment, leaving early or coming it late, whatever it was I kept track of it in my book. One Monday morning a couple of weeks ago, I went to write something down in it and it was gone! I had this notebook hidden in the back of one of my desk drawers, clear in the back in a box of envelopes. Someone went rooting through my desk and stole it! I am not blaming anyone and I have never accused anyone of the crime, but seriously! Grow up! I was keeping track of these occourances so that I had something to back my case up about my boss being really hard on me and letting others get by doing whatever they wanted.

Well, with all of this happening regularly, I was advised by someone that I hold in the highest of respects that I needed to contact someone at corporate. I toyed with the idea for a few days knowing that he was right but having doubts about doing it. One night Jake was sitting on the couch petting Peanut and he said to the dog "We won't let anyone tie you to a cinder block and let you drown, Buddy." I emailed a letter to my corporate office the next day.

I sent the letter on Saturday, Monday I had a response. On Wednesday, yesterday, the two heads of the companyu called me and informed me that everything was being handled. I can't say anything specific as of right now because I was instructed not to let anyone know of the contents of the conversation, but I can say that my bos is not allowed to converse with me unless it pertains to business only, and he must always have someone else present to even say hello!

I have to say, I am so nervous about what has happened and what is still yet to happen that I can barely eat, but I feel like a new person. I am so proud of myself for taking a stand against him. Someone had to do it sooner or later. A friend of mine described it to me that I am "taking a stand for all of woman kind." Wow! I feel like Erin Bronkovich!

I will keep everyone informed of the events as they progerss as I am allowed to do so!
Wish me the best of luck and keep me in your prayers!

Tripping with Toonses

I have a memory
that leaves me in a
flashback
of giggles
everytime I think about hoy mama said,
"Don't eat paper,"
but I did
and had the time of my life.

I have a memory of
being chauffered by Toonses the cat
Held back by imaginary barriers
Cannot, do not, go past 224.
The desire to try to escape
We must go somewhere, but we cannot go anywhere
Everywhere we go there is someone;
Stay away from us!
Surrendering to remain locked in one place.
I will not love this car tomorrow.

I have a memory of
things that I thought I needed
things that would make me happy
Cigarettes, candy, alochol
Can you hear me?
Things I had aquired, but lost
I bought a house for 10 cents that I will never find again.
Things that I wanted, but was denied
Affection, acceptance

I have a memory of
trying to reach out, to find a kindered spirit,
Someone who should accept.
We can't go there, he would not understand,
he would stand in judgement,
he would not play this game!
Realizing I put forth only half-assed effort
As long as you move, it's okay if other things do too.
And avoided those who offered help
In town are cops
Are enemies
I will not fight unarmed in their territory:
Take no prisoners!!

Relied on myself
Neighbors stay away-
we're nuts.
We need nothing...nothing.
And inaminate objects that could not hurt me
Lights are our friends and enemies
I never knew I had so many tears!
Chuckle, chuckle.

I have a memory
that I keep for today
Written on old Hershey Chocolate bar wrappers
that only cost 59 cents.
It makes me giggle,
it makes me sad
I am in a shell
numb, numb
Always have a cigarette and no lighter
(...isin't it ironic...)
Toones the Driving Cat.
Lights- green and red make purple
Bricks are so tiny.
Don't look at yourself, you look like hell.
You will not make me do it
Don't call a soul!

Mama was right, you shouldn't eat paper.
The hurt cannot be digested.