Thursday, March 19, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Political Correctness
The following is the winning entry in an annual contest at Texas A&M University calling for the most appropriate definition of a contemporary term. This year's term was "Political Correctness":
"Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."
Huh... =)
"Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."
Huh... =)
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
A Litte Irish Humor for St. Patrick's Day...
As a bagpiper, I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man who had no family or friends. The funeral was to be held at a cemetery in the remote countryside and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there.As I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I became lost and being a typical man, did not stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late. I saw the backhoe and the crew who were eating lunch but the hearse was nowhere in sight.
I apologized to the workers for my tardiness and stepped to the side of the open grave where I saw the vault lid already in place.
I assured the workers I would not hold them up for long but this was the proper thing to do. The workers gathered around, still eating their lunch. I played out my heart and soul.
As I played the workers began to weep. I played and I played like I'd never played before, from Going Home and The Lord is My Shepherd to Flowers of the Forest. I closed the lengthy session with Amazing Grace and walked to my car.
As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I overheard one of the workers saying to another, "Sweet Jeezuz, Mary'n Joseph, I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
I have multiple personalities!!
According to this, I have 21 different personalities!! Of course, these 21 are the self-diagnosed ones. Ask some of my firends and family and they might tell you differently. =)
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
BEWARE 1800petmeds.com!
The following was copied and pasted from an email I sent to my lovely Aunt Amanda. I wanted to pass along the information to as many people as possible because I am sure there are plenty of others out there that love their pets as much as I do and do not want to get screwed-over by this place!
************
On TV you see that 1800petmeds advertised...DO NOT BUY STUFF FROM THERE!!!!!! I just ordered my dogs pills through there and when you place an order they fax your vet for them to sign off that it is okay for your dogs to have what you are ordering. Well, Saturday morning Missy's vet called me and told me all kinds of stuff about them!! BAD STUFF. Apparently their prices are not as good as what they say... (My vet saved me almost $30 on both Missy and Peanut's pills), plus he told me that they have been into some trouble with forging vet's signatures and some other unethical stuff. Plus what they were recommending for my dogs was SO WRONG!!! There are 3 types of worms dogs can get, and the pills they were selling me were only treated 1 kind...the most common...heart worms. If you buy the pills directly from the vet's office you can get a rebate on them, plus if your dog would happen to still get any kind of worms that the medicine treats, the manufacturer will pay the cost of treatment. If you buy from an online pharmacy, there is not guarantee. I was so shocked that the vet called me from his house on a Saturday morning when he didn't even have office hours. Peanut goes to a different vet, but we were planning to switch him to this other guy, Dr. Hargarten, when it was time for him to go back in for his yearly shots because the girls that work in the office at his vet are so rude and just act like they don't even like animals! When we got Missy we started her with Dr. Hargarten because we had to get her fixed within just a couple of weeks after getting her because she came from the shelter. I decided that I liked the doctor and the people in the office well enough that I didn't care if they were more expensive I was going to go ahead and switch Peanut. Now I can't wait to switch him!!! (Hopefully he won't BITE this guy...he really didn't like the doctor that he saw at the Animal Care Clinic!!)
Anyway, I hope all that makes sense!! Just a heads up!!
Peanut chillin' on my in my office.
Missy chowing down on Jake's socks.She's too cute to yell at sometimes!
Peanut doesn't let anything get by that window!Missy could care less!
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
The BIBLE and the Financial Crisis
'In the blink of an eye wealth disappears, it will sprout wings and fly away like an eagle.' Proverbs 23:4 & 5
Now take out some paper money, any paper money and look at the symbol of the Federal Reserve System. What do you see? A winged eagle. On your money that is flying away. Hmmm. You think maybe God knew what he was talking about?
I now calculate that if I don't leave any inheritance for my children, I might possibly be able to retire when I am around 93. Kinda depressing. But God talks about that too: 'Money is put into risky investments that turn sour, and everything is lost. In the end, there is nothing left to pass on to one's children.' Ecclesiastes 5:14
I think we can all agree: it is scary out there! Banks are collapsing, businesses are failing, and investments are plummeting. Our economy and our lifestyles are changing, and no one can predict what will happen next. We are all hurting and scrambling to cope. If we are depending on our money for our security, we are in deep weeds. As King Solomon warns us: 'Trust in your money and down you go!' Proverbs 11:28
Listening to the latest financial predictions of the supposed experts can drive you to despair, can't it? So what is the solution? Let's listen to Jesus instead. What does Jesus have to say to us at a time like this?
'Don't trust in your unreliable investments. Trust me. Teach those who are rich in this world not to be proud and not to trust in their money, which is so unreliable. Their trust should be in God, who richly gives us all we need for our enjoyment.' 1 Tim. 6:17
'Use this wake up call to recalibrate your heart for true riches. Don't store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal.Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.' Matt. 6:19-21
'true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth.' 1Timothy 6:6
'Don't lay awake worrying about what you can't control. Take it one day at a time. So don't worry about tomorrow' Matt 6:34
'don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.' (The Message paraphrase)
'Bring your financial needs to me, and leave them with me. Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you willexperience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.' Philippians 4:6,7
'I haven't forgotten you. I already know your needs and I promise I'll meet your needs. So don't worry about these things, saying, 'What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?' These things dominate thethoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else,and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need'
Matthew 6:31&32
'this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to usin Christ Jesus.' Philippians 4:19
Not all of our wants, but all of our needs. Not some of our needs, all of our needs. Not from scarce resources, but from his glorious riches. So how should we live during this economic crisis? Jesus tells us:
'I tell you not to worry about…whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear… Look at the birds. They don't plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren't you far more valuable to him than they are?... And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you.
And that is a promise we can bank on.
--Dick Loizeaux
Now take out some paper money, any paper money and look at the symbol of the Federal Reserve System. What do you see? A winged eagle. On your money that is flying away. Hmmm. You think maybe God knew what he was talking about?
I now calculate that if I don't leave any inheritance for my children, I might possibly be able to retire when I am around 93. Kinda depressing. But God talks about that too: 'Money is put into risky investments that turn sour, and everything is lost. In the end, there is nothing left to pass on to one's children.' Ecclesiastes 5:14
I think we can all agree: it is scary out there! Banks are collapsing, businesses are failing, and investments are plummeting. Our economy and our lifestyles are changing, and no one can predict what will happen next. We are all hurting and scrambling to cope. If we are depending on our money for our security, we are in deep weeds. As King Solomon warns us: 'Trust in your money and down you go!' Proverbs 11:28
Listening to the latest financial predictions of the supposed experts can drive you to despair, can't it? So what is the solution? Let's listen to Jesus instead. What does Jesus have to say to us at a time like this?
'Don't trust in your unreliable investments. Trust me. Teach those who are rich in this world not to be proud and not to trust in their money, which is so unreliable. Their trust should be in God, who richly gives us all we need for our enjoyment.' 1 Tim. 6:17
'Use this wake up call to recalibrate your heart for true riches. Don't store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal.Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.' Matt. 6:19-21
'true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth.' 1Timothy 6:6
'Don't lay awake worrying about what you can't control. Take it one day at a time. So don't worry about tomorrow' Matt 6:34
'don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.' (The Message paraphrase)
'Bring your financial needs to me, and leave them with me. Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you willexperience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.' Philippians 4:6,7
'I haven't forgotten you. I already know your needs and I promise I'll meet your needs. So don't worry about these things, saying, 'What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?' These things dominate thethoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else,and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need'
Matthew 6:31&32
'this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to usin Christ Jesus.' Philippians 4:19
Not all of our wants, but all of our needs. Not some of our needs, all of our needs. Not from scarce resources, but from his glorious riches. So how should we live during this economic crisis? Jesus tells us:
'I tell you not to worry about…whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear… Look at the birds. They don't plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren't you far more valuable to him than they are?... And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you.
And that is a promise we can bank on.
--Dick Loizeaux
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Kids say the darndest things!
My cousin emailed this to me this afternoon and it brought quite a smile to my face!
WHY GOD MADE MOMS
All answers given by second grade school children.
Why did GOD make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean house.
3. To help us out of there when we're getting born.
How did GOD make mothers?
1. He used dirt just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. GOD made Mom just the same like he made me, he just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. GOD made mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everythign nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly used string I think.
Why did GOD give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. GOD knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mom like me.
What kind of girl was your mom?
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
1. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.
What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spagetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.
2. She got to old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mom dind't have her thinking cap on.
Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees stuff under the bed.
3. I guess mom is, but only becasue she has a lot more to do than dad.
What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home. Dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scarring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power because that's who you get to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.
4. Mom's have magic. They make you feel better without medicine.
What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What would it tak to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet maybe blue.
WHY GOD MADE MOMS
All answers given by second grade school children.
Why did GOD make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean house.
3. To help us out of there when we're getting born.
How did GOD make mothers?
1. He used dirt just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. GOD made Mom just the same like he made me, he just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. GOD made mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everythign nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly used string I think.
Why did GOD give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. GOD knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mom like me.
What kind of girl was your mom?
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
1. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.
What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spagetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.
2. She got to old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mom dind't have her thinking cap on.
Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees stuff under the bed.
3. I guess mom is, but only becasue she has a lot more to do than dad.
What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home. Dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scarring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power because that's who you get to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.
4. Mom's have magic. They make you feel better without medicine.
What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What would it tak to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet maybe blue.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
GRR!!!
How come I cam look at all of these other blogs and think they look so cute, but when I try to do something cute and funky with my own it turns out looking stupid? And how come what you see in the create window is not what the post actually looks like on the blog?
That gets frustrating!!
That gets frustrating!!
Sister Myotis on "Thong Panties"
My Aunt Rosemary, who is the funniest person I know, emailed me about this!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Celebrity Look-A-Liike?
The above picture on the left is of the woman who recently gave birth to octuplets in California. The picture on the right is obviously of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. I read yesterday that the now mother of 14 has been accused of trying to be Angelina. Of course she denies it, but just look at the two pictures! The hair, the white dress/gown thing, the lips...but she looks a little more like Alanis Morisette than Angelina!
Now here's what I don't understand...
Times are tough all over and this woman already has 6 children. She started going to a fertility clinic because she wanted to have more children so the doctors there fertilized 8 eggs (bear with me here, I am not good with the correct terms for all of this). Typically not all of them would actually become embryos, but in this case they all did. So her defense of saying that she did not intentionally get pregnant with 8 babies could be true.
I read today that her house payment has not been made since last April.
So what I am having trouble understanding is how this woman was paying for her fertility treatments. If she is unemployed and living on government assistance, supporting 6 children, and can't pay her house payment...???
And what doctor in their right mind would allow this? I mean, isn't there some sort of requirements for mental health testing or something, or credit checks...I don't know!
So we read daily about how the government wants to put restrictions on us making us wear seat belts and what kind of guns we can own and how we can't smoke in bars or buy any alcohol on Sundays...whatever, but then we turn the page of the newspaper and read about a woman who can live on government assistance AND be allowed fertility treatments and have 14 kids...
And people wonder why I say I don't want any kids of my own. Take a look around. I can't afford to have my own because my tax dollars are going to pay for cases like this, although not usually to this extreme.
I read today that her house payment has not been made since last April.
So what I am having trouble understanding is how this woman was paying for her fertility treatments. If she is unemployed and living on government assistance, supporting 6 children, and can't pay her house payment...???
And what doctor in their right mind would allow this? I mean, isn't there some sort of requirements for mental health testing or something, or credit checks...I don't know!
So we read daily about how the government wants to put restrictions on us making us wear seat belts and what kind of guns we can own and how we can't smoke in bars or buy any alcohol on Sundays...whatever, but then we turn the page of the newspaper and read about a woman who can live on government assistance AND be allowed fertility treatments and have 14 kids...
And people wonder why I say I don't want any kids of my own. Take a look around. I can't afford to have my own because my tax dollars are going to pay for cases like this, although not usually to this extreme.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Just a little something about Indiana weather...
It's wintertime in Indiana
And the gentle breezes blow
Seventy miles an hour
At twenty-five below.
Oh, how I love Indiana
When the snow's up to your butt.
You take a breath of winter
And your nose gets frozen shut.
Yes, the weather here is wonderful,
So I guess I'll hang around.
I could never leave Indiana
'Cause I'm frozen to the ground!
Anyone out there reading this that is NOT familiar with the weather in the Hoosier state, this is a *perfect* parody of what it's truly like. I have lived in this state all my life, and it's always been the same. With the exception of moving from a central-southern location to the north east corner where we get way more wind and lake effects.
On Saturday and Sunday I was outside in a hooded sweatshirt and temps capped at around 44. Today it is snowing and the weatherman said we would be lucky to hit 20! Indiana's weather needs some medication for bi-polar disorder I think! ;)
And the gentle breezes blow
Seventy miles an hour
At twenty-five below.
Oh, how I love Indiana
When the snow's up to your butt.
You take a breath of winter
And your nose gets frozen shut.
Yes, the weather here is wonderful,
So I guess I'll hang around.
I could never leave Indiana
'Cause I'm frozen to the ground!
Anyone out there reading this that is NOT familiar with the weather in the Hoosier state, this is a *perfect* parody of what it's truly like. I have lived in this state all my life, and it's always been the same. With the exception of moving from a central-southern location to the north east corner where we get way more wind and lake effects.
On Saturday and Sunday I was outside in a hooded sweatshirt and temps capped at around 44. Today it is snowing and the weatherman said we would be lucky to hit 20! Indiana's weather needs some medication for bi-polar disorder I think! ;)
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