More Funny Emails

I have decided that I think I have a problem. For some reason when I read an email that I find funny I save it in my archive folder of my email and when I get bored at work I blog it. I seem to think that anyone reading this blog gives a damn to see forwarded emails that they have probably received themselves, and I think that I need to save the ones that make me chuckle because someday I just might need to read them again. Whatever. I am a dork, and I need to stop wasting blog space with the emails. I need to get back to blogging for real...but I just have not felt like it! But that's another post...
And for now...I share with you some forwarded funnies...

1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5. Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive!
6. Earth is the insane asylum for the Universe.
7. I am starting to wonder how bad 4 years with no president would be...
8. God must love stupid people, he made so many!
9. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
10. Consciousness: that annoying thing between naps.
11. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
12. Men are always whining about how we're suffocating them. Personally, I think if you can hear them whining you're not pressing hard enough on the pillow!
13. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
14. Ever notice how people who tell you to calm down are the ones who got you mad in the first place...

Healthy Insanity (There were quite a few of these, but I am only posting the ones I have done since reading the email.)
1. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
2. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
3. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".
4. In the memo field of all your checks, write "For Smuggling Diamonds".
5. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
6. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
7. Five days in advance, tell your friend you can't attend their party because you are not in the mood.
8. When the money comes out of the ATM, start screaming, "I won! I won!"
**(And I didn't actually do this because I don't have any kids, but it's hilarious...) Tell your children over dinner that due to the economy you are going to have to let one of them go.